She graciously steered the conversation toward a topic she knew I like, “So, how do you make a horse go?”
I paused, pondering the question and possible responses. Honestly, the question would have been easier to answer a couple of years ago when I knew less about the topic…which meant I was probably overthinking the question. Should I start with explaining I don’t make a horse do anything, I ask him? No, she’d think I was just being nit-picky. Should I talk about differentiating cues for different speeds? No, she almost certainly meant moving from a standstill to walking and continuing to walk. Should I start with explaining it depends on the horse’s level of training? No, she was clearly referring to a well-trained horse. It was asked as a simple direct question with expectation of a simple direct answer.
Unsure of my reason for hesitating, she reframed the question, “When you’re riding your horse, how do you get him to go?”
I latched onto the specificity of the reframed question, “Well…with my horse I usually just shift my weight slightly forward and maybe lift the reins a little. That’s usually all he needs. If that doesn’t get a response, then I might nudge him a little with my legs or smooch him.”
It was a simple direct question expecting a simple direct response. My response was as simple and direct as I knew how to make it. Yet I knew it likely had more qualifiers than she expected. I also knew was a very incomplete answer…and not very useful.It was a very incomplete answer...and not very useful. Click To Tweet
I knew the situation she was referring to. I’ve experienced it myself a few times. A novice rider on a rented or borrowed horse starts out with a group of riders on a trail ride. The borrowed horse falls behind the group and slows to a gradual halt. The novice rider clicks, kicks, swats, or in some other way tries to prod the horse to move out. The horse responds by picking up to a trot for a few strides then drops right back to a slow walk before stopping to browse on grass or leaves.
The answer I gave was a truthful answer, but of absolutely no use to a rider in such a situation. A horse that did not respond to clicks, kicks or swats was unlikely to respond to a shift of weight or a lift of reins.
To inspire a horse to go in such a situation, one must first understand why the horse stopped. Most likely, the horse stopped walking because the rider stopped riding…or maybe never started riding. However, that answer requires explanation of what riding entails.
Riding a horse is more than being a passenger. Riding is active. Riding is movement. Riding is communication. I don’t just ask my horse to go. I also ask him to continue going. I move in rhythm with his movement, then ask him to move with my movement. If I stop moving, I expect him to also stop moving.
But it’s not just movement. It’s communication through movement. It’s relationship, balance, timing, and movement with meaning…where horse and rider have worked out a system of communication where both know the meaning of different cues and the expected response. And it’s not one way communication. The rider isn’t just telling the horse what to do, he’s also listening to the horse, feeling what the horse is thinking and noting where his attention is directed. Ray Hunt described it as, “First you move with your horse. Then your horse moves with you. Then you both move together.”
“How do you make a horse go?” Such a simple direct question…deserving of a simple direct answer. Yet master horsemen have written volumes trying to answer that question, and will tell you they fall short in the telling.
Why is the answer so complicated? Because the answer involves relationship and communication…because a useful answer must first bring the questioner into a paradigm of beginning to understand a little of that relationship…and because every horse and every rider are different.
Pondering these things I am reminded of the many questions we ask about godliness, expecting simple direct answers. Why would we assume simple direct answers could possibly be either complete or useful? Human relationships are exponentially more complex than horse relationships. Human communication is much more nuanced and prone to misunderstanding than horse-human communication. The Bible tells us God’s ways are much higher than our ways and are beyond our understanding.
Yet, we stubbornly persist in asking simple direct questions from incomplete paradigms in expectation of simple direct answers.
Ask ten different theologians, “When is divorce permissible?” and you will likely receive ten different answers.
But that’s not the puzzling part.
The puzzling part is that nine of those ten theologians will likely respond with a simple direct answer…confident they have provided an answer that is both complete and useful…the sum total of what God has to say on the topic.
Human relations are extremely complex. Marital relations are even more complex than most. Marital relations in a marriage having gone so badly wrong for one or both to be asking about divorce are likely full of complex contradictory emotions and many years of trying and failing to effectively communicate or effect change.
A person asking the question, “When is divorce permissible?” is clearly interested in pleasing God. Otherwise, there would be no need to even ask the question. Discerning God’s plans and intentions for any person’s life in any given situation is difficult, requiring listening to the Holy Spirit and understanding His cues. Yet, many pastors and theologians seem to believe they can speak godly wisdom into people’s lives through trite prescribed wooden answers assumed to fit every situation.
And a person asking such a question is likely in very real need of wise godly input. They don’t need a trite rhetorical response. They need help and understanding. They need useful input and prayerful suggestions. An answer that is incomplete and unhelpful is worse than no response at all. A simple “I don’t know” would be much better than a misleading answer to such a question.
I am a beginner horseman. Yet I know enough to realize there is no simple, direct, useful answer to the question, “How do you make a horse go?”
How could any experienced pastor believe a useful simplistic answer could be given to a question so fraught with complexities and potential pitfalls as “When is divorce permissible?”
Anyone who believes such a question can be usefully answered with a trite canned response is lacking in wisdom and discernment.
It’s just not that simple.